1993 was a great year. I turned 13. I got a new mountain bike. I found what what heavy petting was. And, of course, it was the year Michael Jordan retired... the first time.
You see, as a Cavs fan, MJ was the devil. It wasn't just the Shot. It wasn't just beating the Cavs in the 1992 Eastern Conference Finals. It wasn't just that he was the biggest whiner in all of sports or that he got every single call. It was the fact that growing up in Ohio, everyone was a Bulls fan. Central Ohio!?Bandwagon-jumping, Air-Jordan wearing, tongue-waggin', fuckin' Bulls fan. So when he left, life was good.
1995 was a bad year. I was a freshman in high school so I got picked on a lot. My friends all turned 16 a year ahead of me and were driving cars while I was still stuck with the same mountain bike. I was getting a little bored with the heavy petting and hoping to move on to better things. And Michael Jordan came back.
There were some good moments for Jordan when he returned - like 55 points at the Garden. And then there was the steaming pile of mastadon dung the Bulls laid in the playoffs against the Magic - which was awesome, of course. But ultimately, most people (with the expection of myself) were excited to see him back from his gambling suspension - even if he inexplicably wore that #45 jersey that looked out of place on him. And then after that year, well you know what happened. Endless fadeaway jumpers. Low-key fist pumps. 3 more NBA titles. More bandwagon fans.
Jordan would retire and come back one more time after that as a Washington Wizard. I prefer to remember him that way.
Well, in 2008, I also retired, unceremoniously. No announcement. No good bye. Just gone. I can neither confirm nor deny that I was suspended for any of my various vices (read: addictions). Its all water under the bridge now because it's 2011. That mountain bike is gone and I'm rockin' a Ford Focus. The heavy petting is a thing of the past, as well as any foreplay of any kind (Read: I'm married). And now guess what?!?!
I'M BACK!
You see, as a Cavs fan, MJ was the devil. It wasn't just the Shot. It wasn't just beating the Cavs in the 1992 Eastern Conference Finals. It wasn't just that he was the biggest whiner in all of sports or that he got every single call. It was the fact that growing up in Ohio, everyone was a Bulls fan. Central Ohio!?Bandwagon-jumping, Air-Jordan wearing, tongue-waggin', fuckin' Bulls fan. So when he left, life was good.
1995 was a bad year. I was a freshman in high school so I got picked on a lot. My friends all turned 16 a year ahead of me and were driving cars while I was still stuck with the same mountain bike. I was getting a little bored with the heavy petting and hoping to move on to better things. And Michael Jordan came back.
There were some good moments for Jordan when he returned - like 55 points at the Garden. And then there was the steaming pile of mastadon dung the Bulls laid in the playoffs against the Magic - which was awesome, of course. But ultimately, most people (with the expection of myself) were excited to see him back from his gambling suspension - even if he inexplicably wore that #45 jersey that looked out of place on him. And then after that year, well you know what happened. Endless fadeaway jumpers. Low-key fist pumps. 3 more NBA titles. More bandwagon fans.
Jordan would retire and come back one more time after that as a Washington Wizard. I prefer to remember him that way.
Well, in 2008, I also retired, unceremoniously. No announcement. No good bye. Just gone. I can neither confirm nor deny that I was suspended for any of my various vices (read: addictions). Its all water under the bridge now because it's 2011. That mountain bike is gone and I'm rockin' a Ford Focus. The heavy petting is a thing of the past, as well as any foreplay of any kind (Read: I'm married). And now guess what?!?!
I'M BACK!
1 comment:
Your return seems as glorious as MJs. Where is the next installment?
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