Carson Palmer Can Eat a Bag 'O Dicks

Apparently Carson Palmer is none too fond of the Ohio State Buckeyes, who will be squaring off against his USC Trojans come September.

I can think of a number of reasons why he hates Ohio State:

1. He lives in Cincitucky and apparently its a city ordinance to have vitriol hate for the Buckeyes.

2. He's overcompensating to distract from his man crush on Brian Hartline.

3. He had money on the Bucks in the last two National Championship games.

4. He mistakenly believes that Kimo Von Oelhoffen is an alum. (He's not, but I would not oppose an honorary degree at this point)

5. He's jealous that Craig Krenzel has more national championships.

6. He's showing off for Nick Lachey, whom he hopes he can coax into cheating on Matt Leinart just like he did to Jessica Simpson. (You can't make this stuff up)

Either way, I think I speak for all Ohio State fans (which may or may not include 5 or 6 Bengals' fans) when I say, Fuck Carson Palmer's mother.

Ohio State Football Preview Coming Soon!

I had a request for a post on the gridiron Buckeyes. Ask and you shall receive. I am, afterall, a man of the people.

Where are the posts?

I am in a lull... a genuine sports depression. I never intended to make this blog about my disappointing relationship with Cleveland sports, but its inevitable.

The Cavaliers have had an offseason on par with most of the first 16 years of my sex life - which is to say that they've barely copped a feel on any trades or free agents.

The Indians are playing like (for lack of a better word) (or phrase) fucking shit. They had to trade CC (formerly C.C.) Sofat-thia, which I had been advocating since Spring Training. And the season is over... O-V-E-R - just one year after leading the Sawx 3-1 in the ALCS.

And I just watched Miguel Cabrera hit a walk-off home run to send the Indians to their 10th straight loss after the Tribe led 6-0. It does not get much worse.

You know its bad when the saving grace is the upcoming Browns' season. But as the Tribe have proven... just because you have on nice cologne and a condom in your pocket, doesn't mean you are going to get laid. If you're a Cleveland fan, chances are you'll be spending the night with your trusty right hand and a mouse pad... or watching your team lose for the 528th straight time to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Kids, don't be Cleveland fans. Save yourself the unnecessary depression.

Hockey players love the Cup more than money????

Maybe this is a trend that will catch on in other sports, but I seriously doubt it. Apparently money isn't everything in the world of the NHL.

Today, the Detroit Red Wings signed Marian Hossa to a one year, $7.4 million deal that will all but ensure that both Hossa and the Wings will get what they truly want - the 2009 Stanley Cup.

When asked why he chose the Red Wings over his former team, the Pittsburgh Penguins, Hossa said: "It was a really tough decision for me to make. When I compared the two teams, I felt like I would have a little better of a chance to win the Cup in Detroit."

And he meant it. Hossa turned down a reported 5-year, $35 million deal to return to Steel town to take the short-term deal in the Motor City.

It's not as if the Penguins were chopped liver either. This is a team that played and 'just' lost the aforementioned Red Wings in the Finals.

So Hossa will win his Cup. He and his family will pray he doesn't suffer a Lindross-like 10 concussions next year. Then he'll take his ring and sign a long-term deal elsewhere next summer.

If this trend continues, then don't expect one more hockey trend to dissipate any time soon: the Columbus Blue Jackets sucking.

A.C. Slater's Dad Hates Iowa

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