Warning: Long - Print it out, take it to the bathroom.
7:05 Draft Preview Starts: Your ESPN lineup is Stuart Scott, Mark Jackson, Jay Bilas, and thankfully, the surprisingly hilarious Jeff Van Gundy. At least Screamin' A does not appear to be in the house... yet.
7:09 Andy Katz discloses that the Bulls will be taking Derrick Rose with the first pick. Unlike any report submitted by Kirk Herbstreit, you can probably take this report to the bank.
I hate the Bulls, so the fact that I hate them picking Rose tells you all you need to know about this guy's talent. If he were four inches taller, he'd be Lebron James. Yes, I went there.
Jay Bilas gives some terrific analysis of his talents, but then actually compares him to Deron Williams. Not the same player. Not close. DWill is a terrific half-court point guard with a great jump shot. Rose is a full-court point guard with a suspect jump shot.
7: 16 There it is. The first "Lebron to Brooklyn" reference from Ric Bucher. Thanks asshole. Like I needed to be reminded.
Here's how you can tell the difference between a bandwagon Cavs' fan and a real one:
1. There's no way he leaves Cleveland. He's from Akron. He's the King of Northeast Ohio. He wants to bring a championship to the city, and he's loyal to the city.
2. There's no way he stays in Cleveland. There are far too many dollars out there to be made in endorsements by playing in a big market. Never trust an athlete to choose loyalty over money. Fans hate him while he plays Cleveland. They'll love him in NYC. His boy Jay-Z is there. The Cavs can't build a winner around him. He's gone.
The real fan knows who's who.
Also, why does Lebron like Jay-Z so much? Really, the guy just seems dry to me. Me thinks Lebron's just trying to get close to Beyonce's bangin' booty. Watch out Mr. Carter. The King is looking for a Queen.
7:17 Great. Stephen A. Smith is there. My mute button will be working overtime.
7:22 WARNING! I do not know every player in this draft. So my analysis may be limited. If a player is drafted from overseas, and he has more than 7 consonants in his last name, there's a good chance that I have no fucking clue if he's a good pick.
7:27 The Oklahoma City Sonics have 6 picks. SIX! Since Danny Ferry will not be handing in the pick on anyone of them, there's at least a 75% chance that two of them will be high quality picks.
NBA Basketball in Oklahoma City??? Still having trouble rapping my mind around that. That's like having the Iditarod in Guatamala.
7:35 David Stern welcomes us all to New York City, home of the Knicks and the WNBA's New York Liberty(?). We get it. The NBA invested in a professional league for women. No one cares. No one will ever care. You're better off trying to make minor league soccer popular in America.
Stern also informs us that the Bulls have five minutes to select Derrick Rose. Five minutes to pick a guy they decided on days ago. Five minutes for me to ramble on about five wasted minutes.
Seriously, the Bulls are going to use all of their time. Are they waiting on the Cavs to call and offer Lebron James and Eric Snow for the #1 pick?
7:40 (Yawn) Chicago takes Rose. Did you know he's from Chicago? Thanks for reminding us ESPN... again... and again.... and again. His nickname, as informed by Stuart Scott, is Pooh. Quality journalism. Hopefully, his career is as unfullfilling as that of the famed Pooh Richardson.
7: 43 Everybody is wondering what Miami will do. They should take Beasley. I hope they take Mayo.
And with the second pick, the Heat take.... Beasley.
Yup, smoke screens all weak from South Beach. Why? I have no clue.
By the way, I love Beasley's game. Unlike Kevin Durant, he's physical enough already to bang in the league. He'll be a strong rebounder. He can already hit the medium to long-range two-point shot. He's an upper-middle-class man's Carlos Boozer. And he'll team well with Dwayne Wade.
I hate it. But if you're a Miami fan, you've got to be pleased.
7:50 Kevin McHale is on the clock. The rumor is that he is not trading the pick to the Celtics for Scott Pollard. But how can he fuck it up this year?
OJ Mayo.... is going to Minnesota. That's actually a very good pick for them.
I can't believe I just said that. I bet my Zydrunas Illgauskas bobble head that McHale trades him for Eric Gordon and a conditional second rounder later on. He has to. There's no way he can get this right.
7:53 The team formerly known as Seattle will be picking next, trying to find a sidekick for Kevin Durant. They need to be finding someone that can get the boards Durant cannot seem to locate in the NBA.
... which reminds me that, last year, Bill Simmons called Durant the surest pick of the draft since Jordan. I'm sure he just forgot about Shaquille O'Neal and Lebron James. He must have. He couldn't be that dumb. Could he?
7:58 Oklahoma City does the best they can with the pick. Ho hum, they take Russell Westbrook out of Los Angeles University of California. Solid point guard. Not a game-changer. Good on-ball defense. But, ultimately a solid, not great, addition to the heart of Sooner Country.
By the way, did you know Derrick Rose was from Chicago? Yeah, just found out. ESPN is great.
8:05 Memphis. The Grizz. The team born just north of Seattle in Vancouver, (Some Province), Canada. Now neither northwest city has a team. I think the NBA just hates the people up there.
There's not really much hope for the future of this team. But they take the guy that the Sonics probably should have taken in Kevin Love.
One thing is for certain. No one on ESPN is talking about Love's "upside". With this guy, what you see is what you get. A pounder. And excellent passer. Great touch around the rim. Sure he runs a 10-second 40 and has a 6.5-inch vertical. But he's a player. And if Brad Miller can be successful in this league, then I'm quite confident that Love will be as well.
8:10 The Knicks are on the Clock. The Knicks are on the Clock.
David Stern hears these words in his nightmares.
The crowd is excited. Some guy in a Starks jersey just yawned and another in a Ewing jersey swayed nervously.
There's no one here for NYC to take that's going to make this crowd happy. Get ready. Here it comes...
HA! "BOOOOOO!!!!" "BOOOOO!!!!"
Welcome to New York Danilo Gallinari. Knicks fans never let you down.
What??? Did Fran Fraschilla really just compare this Italian guy to Derek Jeter??? That fans would love him as much as Tiki Barber??? Yeah, and Detroit loves Dontrelle Willis as much as Barry Sanders.
8:15 Wait, the Knicks and Clippers are picking back to back? Is it my birthday?
With the seventh pick, Elgin Baylor takes the most overrated player in the draft, Eric Gordon. He's 6'2". He shrivels like a male private part in the pool when the pressure is on. He can't shoot, despite the assinine comment I just hear from Stuart Scott that he could. He can't dribble.
Gordon's ceiling would be to be as good as Ben Gordon as an undersized shooting guard. But the latter is clutch in the fourth quarter. Eric Gordon is, well, about as clutch as Kevin Garnett.
Maybe he'll prove me wrong. Maybe it was just the double teams in college that made him look like a scared kid. But I doubt it...
8:20 The Bucks take Joe Alexander. I heard on the radio the other day that he was the most athletic guy in the draft.
This pick, along with the strange trade for Richard Jefferson, all but assures that Milwaukee will not be trading Michael Redd. It's not that the Bucks are a title contender now. They're still a lottery team. But I was hoping they would take Eric Gordon, who they would mistakenly believe was their shooting guard of the future. With him, they could dump Redd for pennies on the dollar.
But not now. Redd is a Buck for life. Sucks to be him.
8:23 Miss Hawaiian Tropic is on HDNet. I will attempt not to let it distract me.
Ahh, who cares about the Charlotte Bobcats drafting? They're just another team going nowhere. We're staying with the girls...
You know, I really like Miss Sicily, Italy. I think she has tremenous length and outstanding upside. She has some character issues, but I think that gangbang her junior of high school was just a phase.
8:27 Poor D.J. Augustin. Now here's a young man with some moxy. A true point guard - probably the only one in this draft. His height (5'11") was thought to scare a lot of teams. But he's a good shooter, a smart passer and a game manager. Too bad he's a Bobcat now.
Someone must have forgotten to pull Michael Jordan away from the blackjack table. This pick actually didn't suck.
Of course, I fully expect Larry Brown (coaching his 243rd team) to ruin this kid.
8:31 The Nets will be taking Brook Lopez. Mark it down. Lebron just got off the phone with Jay-Z and told them to take the overrated big man.
Yup, I was right. I always am. The Nets just love twins from Stanford. (re: Jarron Collins).
Jay Bilas is "high" on Brook Lopez. Awesome.
The Nets starting lineup in 2010: PG Devin Harris SG High pick from next year's draft SF Lebron James PF Yi Jianlian C Brook Lopez
Not exactly a championship-winning lineup.
8:39 The Pacers (another team running in place) take Jerryd Bayless. I can imagine the interview between he and Larry Bird in draft preparation.
Bird: So, umm... do you go to Stripclubs?
Bayless: Sometimes.
Bird: But you don't bring your gun to the stripclub, do you?
Bayless: No, never.
Bird: What about plastic cups? Like, if I threw this cup at you, would you run me down and punch the guy next to me by accident?
Bayless: No, never. Why would I do that? It's just a plastic cup.
Bird: Good, we're taking you at 11. Thanks Jerryd, it was a pleasure.
8:48 Finally, a team with a real future. The Blazers. We've suffered through 10 picks from nothing teams ever since the Bulls and Heat took the only two guys worth having in the draft.
No longer the Jail Blazers, Portland takes Kareem and Jaron Rush's brother, Brandon (who looks just like Terrance Howard). Not really a great pick. But with Oden and Roy, who cares? The future is still bright.
By the way, the Kings took Jason Thompson out of Rider with the pick before at number 12. I didn't mention it earlier because I don't know who Jason Thompson is - ESPN Sportsnation apparently doesn't either because they gave the pick an 'F'. All of the analysts called the pick "surprising," but still gave credit to Reggie Theus for having the guts to take him.
In case you're wondering, Theus is more well known as the head coach of Anthony Anderson in Hang Time. Great show. The 8-foot rim and female starting shooting guard really hurt its credibility though.
8:57 Look, if I were not going to be picked in the top 10, I would not show up at the draft. If I dropped like Dow Jones, I'd probably start crying. LSU's Anthony Randolph apparently disagrees. The kid is about 6'9", 120 lbs. A lot of mock drafts had him falling into the 20s.
But Don Nelson saves him and takes 'em at #14 for the Warriors. Not sure why they take this kid. Kevin Durant has polished skills, plays on the perimeter and his weight was a problem last year. It'll be a disaster for Randolph.
8:58 And here's Dickie V. Not sure why everyone dislikes this guy. He's passionate about the game. He's generally positive about the players he discusses. His only major flaw would be his insane man-crush on Coach K. But nobody's perfect. Plus he agrees with me that the Sonics should have taken Love over Westbrook.
9:00 The Suns didn't trade their pick this year. Wow. Jerry Colangelo is getting frivolous with his money all of a sudden. And they even made a smart pick in Robin Lopez, who is a rich man's Anderson Varejao. Hell, he should probably be starting over Shaq's fat ass already.
9:02 Now on HDNet: Bikini Destinations. If you do no have this network, call your cable operator now.
Over on Sports Time Ohio, the Indians game is under way after a long rain delay. The Indians, of course, have zero runs. But its only the first inning, so neither do the Giants. This game could go either way.
9:06 Another Florida Gator goes in the first round: Mareese Speights to the Sixers. Philly is really starting to build something around a bunch of guys that aren't really superstars. If they can re-sign Iguodola, they'll be back in the playoffs. Unfortunately, AI will be wanting a max deal. Can't give him a max deal.
9:10 Toronto is now picking for Indiana. This is a strange glitch in the NBA that we have to suffer through every year. Roy Hibbert will now be putting on a Raptors' hat and has to pretend as if he'll be paying Canadian taxes until the league approves the Jermaine O'Neal trade.
I've never seen the league nix one of these trades. So why go through the charade?
Oops, nevermind. Hibbert has a G'Town education, so he was smart enough not to show up in New York. So good for him. He won't have to don the Raptors cap. The bad news? He's a Pacer.
9:13 They just showed clips of Brook Lopez as he dropped to the Nets at 10. "I'm gonna be just like that one guy. I'm gonna be just like Brady Quinn."
Awesome.
9:15 The Washington Wizards take Javele McGee of Nevada. I hear he has a lot of raw talent, and Jay Bilas says his "arms go forever." Andray Blatche just saw his 5 minutes a game disappear.
9:18 Deal!!! Portland gets Jerryd Bayless from Indiana for Jarrett Jack and Brandon Rush. I guess Bayless would be pissed if you through plastic cup at him.
Obviously, I like the deal for Portland. Bayless really is a shooting guard. He'll play well off Brandon Roy. And they still have that Oden guy.
And, yes, I'm pissed that ESPN said a deal was in just before the Cavs were to draft. More pissed at myself for thinking the Cavs would actually do something. I'm quite confident that the Cavs will fuck this pick up.
9:22 On a night where Kevin McHale redeemed himself, is it possible that Danny Ferry could do the same? Please take Chris Douglass-Roberts. Please don't take Kosta Koufos.
Actually, please trade the goddamn pick...
Huh? J.J. Hickson? Really?
I got nothing. I'm speechless. Bravo Danny Ferry. You're 100% incompetent. I think I'll go throw up in my mouth now.
9:26 Nevermind. I'm not speechless. J.J. Hickson couldn't average more than 15 ppg for a shitty team. To put this in perspective, Doug Etzler once average over 20 points for a shitty team. Don Jantonio once averaged double figures for a shitty team.
If you're on a shitty team, and you're worth anything, you should be putting up 20 bills-plus all night, every night. And J.J. Hickson couldn't. I don't give a shit that he was a freshman. He should have stayed in school then.
I'm quite certain David Stern is slipping Danny Ferry large amounts of money under the table to fuck this thing up - seeing as everyone outside of Ohio wants Lebron in Brooklyn.
9:29 Alexis Ajanca averaged just 5 ppg/5 rpg in the French League. And he's a first-round NBA draft pick. I'm confused. Charlotte will never be good. Michael Jordan must have gotten busted at the craps table and decided to show up and start playing GM.
9:32 The Nets are back on the clock thanks to the Mavericks and that crazy trade for Jason Kidd. Still looking to build around their future free agent from Northeast Ohio. (yes, I'm beating that horse to death, hoping to jinx it)
9:33 Jay Bilas "believes" in Kosta Koufos. Jesus is pissed.
9:36 Darrell Arthur looks like he's about to cry. The Nets take some guy from Cal named Ryan Anderson. Never heard of him, but I do not that he was smart enough not to show up to the Big Apple to wait.
If I were Arthur, I'd be ordering shots. A little Jager. Maybe a Car Bomb. Get wasted. Then, while shaking David Stern's hand (when he actually does get drafted), pull him off the stage like a drunk. It would be a YouTube classic.
9:41 Courtney Lee is my sleeper pick of this draft. The Western Kentucky product is a good pickup for the Magic. And yes, I've heard of him. He's a school teacher's Rodney Stuckey. I actually agree with Jay Bilas. Lee is NBA ready and will compliment Dwight Howard well. Now, if they could just deal with that Jameer Nelson problem.
Jeff Van Gundy thinks his brother is fat. I'm not sure if that's funny or just plain mean. I guess it depends on who is younger.
9:42 J.J. Hickson!!??!!????
9:44 The Indians' offense is exploding, like a Ron Jeremy money shot, all over the Giants pitching staff.
1-0 Cleveland.
(yes, I did think I was required to make a Ron Jeremy reference after bringing up Stan Van Gundy. I think its some sort FCC rule.)
9:49 There are really three intriguing guys left on the board:
1. Chris Douglas-Roberts
2. Darrell Arthur
3. Kosta Koufos
The latter is only interesting because I'm waiting to see which GM will be dumb enough to waste a pick on a 7-foot guy that can't rebound and couldn't defend Earl Boykins on the block.
And just as I typed that, I notice that the Jazz already took KK. Well, at least Benedict Boozer won't have to worry about a teammate poaching his boards.
9:52 Some guy was drafted from the Congo. Amazingly, he's the second guy ever drafted from that country. No, ESPN has not mentioned the first - I hope its not someone I should know. That would be embarrassing.
Finally, they answer it. DJ Mbenga of the Lakers. Whew! That was a close one. I though it would be a Hall of Famer or something.
9:53 Question, as Jeff interviews Stan Van Gundy: Does the latter have anything else in common with Ron Jeremy other than the 'stache? If so, I understand why Jeff is so bitter.
9:56 Someone please draft Darrell Arthur. He's already been taken behind Anthony Randolph, Kosta Koufos, some guy from Conga and J.J. Hickson. I swear he's about to off himself.
Another pick. No Arthur. Some guy from France. Don't know him. Shit, he could be the next Craig Ehlo and I would have no genuine appreciation right now for how smart the Houston Rockets are.
Bold Prediction: Rockets lose in the first round next year. Sorry TMac.
9:59 Ric Bucher lets the cat out of the bag. Apparently Arthur has some sort of kidney issue and its turning teams off. I hope Darrell knew that, because otherwise, its just been a real tough night for him.
10:02 Eewwwii Pewwwiii has a player drafted in the first round. Indiana University-Purdue University International. Never got that. Is their mascot a cross between Jimmy Chitwood and that odd-looking Boilermaker with the sledgehammer?
Anyway, the Spurs took him and they are the smartest organization in the league so he must be good.
10:14 You know, they say New York City is a town with no heart.
As I typed that, Stuart Scott started to finish my thought to mention that the entire crowd cheered as Darrell Arthur was FINALLY drafted. Yes, New York New York isn't that bad. "Check out David Stern. Even he is giving props to the young man."
Stu Scott everybody.
But the whole scenaro of his being drafted reiterates two points I made earlier:
1. New Orleans drafted him for the Portland Trial Blazers. Right now, as he's being interviewed, he's still wearing a Hornets' hat. The NBA's so silly.
2. If you're not a top-10 pick, stay at home.
Still, its a good pick for the Blazers. When the Cavs leave Cleveland in 2011, I may just adopt Portland as my team because of Oden. They are really building something there. The West will be owned by the Hornets and Blazers for the next 10 years
10:16 I am seriously hoping that Memphis takes CDR right now. If they do not, there is no way that Joe Dumars lets him drop any further. I would hate for the Pistons to get him.
Shit! The Grizzlies continue their incompetence by drafting Syracuse freshman Donte' Green over polished senior Douglas-Roberts. If he ever becomes good, they'll ship him to the Lakers for the pu pu platter. Awful pick.
10:22 Will Joe Dumars pass on the best available? He's never done it before...
YES!
NO!
They take my other sleeper from the draft in DJ White. The only major concern with this guy would be the injuries. But he's tough down low. Strong rebounder He has great hands. And he'll give the Pistons some serious needed depth on the front line with McDyess getting up there in age.
Why does it seem as if the Pistons are just that much smarter than the Cavs? The only reason the Cavs aren't in the lottery every year is because they couldn't fuck up the 2003 draft.
10:30 Last pick of the First Round goes to the Celtics. They'll probably take CDR, and just rip my guts out.
He's perfect for the Cs. He's a slasher that makes plays in transition. He's terrific defender with active hands. And he's a winner - something he may be able to teach Kevin Garnett.
With their sights set on a repeat, Boston is definately not taking an international project. They want a ready player. And I have to assume that player is CDR.
What the F is taking so long? Time's up. I'm ready for bed. Just give them the Vikings treatment and start the second round.
(Jeopardy music)
... still waiting....
10:37 And somehow, some way, CDR makes it out of the first round. I'm baffled. What am I seeing that NBA GMs don't see? I was right that the Celts would want a polished player and they get one in J.R. Giddens out New Mexico.
Dick Vitale is back on the screen, yelling at Stuart Scott even though he's not mad at him. He looks as tired as I do.
First round over. I'm out. Peace.
Alright, two updates before I go to sleep.
1. Detroit traded DJ White to the Sonics for "some guy."
2. The Blazers took Joey Dorsey in the second round, he of David and Goliath fame. Should be interested to see if Oden remembers that little tidbit.
As of 10:54 P.M., CDR is still undrafted. Amazing.
Out.
7:05 Draft Preview Starts: Your ESPN lineup is Stuart Scott, Mark Jackson, Jay Bilas, and thankfully, the surprisingly hilarious Jeff Van Gundy. At least Screamin' A does not appear to be in the house... yet.
7:09 Andy Katz discloses that the Bulls will be taking Derrick Rose with the first pick. Unlike any report submitted by Kirk Herbstreit, you can probably take this report to the bank.
I hate the Bulls, so the fact that I hate them picking Rose tells you all you need to know about this guy's talent. If he were four inches taller, he'd be Lebron James. Yes, I went there.
Jay Bilas gives some terrific analysis of his talents, but then actually compares him to Deron Williams. Not the same player. Not close. DWill is a terrific half-court point guard with a great jump shot. Rose is a full-court point guard with a suspect jump shot.
7: 16 There it is. The first "Lebron to Brooklyn" reference from Ric Bucher. Thanks asshole. Like I needed to be reminded.
Here's how you can tell the difference between a bandwagon Cavs' fan and a real one:
1. There's no way he leaves Cleveland. He's from Akron. He's the King of Northeast Ohio. He wants to bring a championship to the city, and he's loyal to the city.
2. There's no way he stays in Cleveland. There are far too many dollars out there to be made in endorsements by playing in a big market. Never trust an athlete to choose loyalty over money. Fans hate him while he plays Cleveland. They'll love him in NYC. His boy Jay-Z is there. The Cavs can't build a winner around him. He's gone.
The real fan knows who's who.
Also, why does Lebron like Jay-Z so much? Really, the guy just seems dry to me. Me thinks Lebron's just trying to get close to Beyonce's bangin' booty. Watch out Mr. Carter. The King is looking for a Queen.
7:17 Great. Stephen A. Smith is there. My mute button will be working overtime.
7:22 WARNING! I do not know every player in this draft. So my analysis may be limited. If a player is drafted from overseas, and he has more than 7 consonants in his last name, there's a good chance that I have no fucking clue if he's a good pick.
7:27 The Oklahoma City Sonics have 6 picks. SIX! Since Danny Ferry will not be handing in the pick on anyone of them, there's at least a 75% chance that two of them will be high quality picks.
NBA Basketball in Oklahoma City??? Still having trouble rapping my mind around that. That's like having the Iditarod in Guatamala.
7:35 David Stern welcomes us all to New York City, home of the Knicks and the WNBA's New York Liberty(?). We get it. The NBA invested in a professional league for women. No one cares. No one will ever care. You're better off trying to make minor league soccer popular in America.
Stern also informs us that the Bulls have five minutes to select Derrick Rose. Five minutes to pick a guy they decided on days ago. Five minutes for me to ramble on about five wasted minutes.
Seriously, the Bulls are going to use all of their time. Are they waiting on the Cavs to call and offer Lebron James and Eric Snow for the #1 pick?
7:40 (Yawn) Chicago takes Rose. Did you know he's from Chicago? Thanks for reminding us ESPN... again... and again.... and again. His nickname, as informed by Stuart Scott, is Pooh. Quality journalism. Hopefully, his career is as unfullfilling as that of the famed Pooh Richardson.
7: 43 Everybody is wondering what Miami will do. They should take Beasley. I hope they take Mayo.
And with the second pick, the Heat take.... Beasley.
Yup, smoke screens all weak from South Beach. Why? I have no clue.
By the way, I love Beasley's game. Unlike Kevin Durant, he's physical enough already to bang in the league. He'll be a strong rebounder. He can already hit the medium to long-range two-point shot. He's an upper-middle-class man's Carlos Boozer. And he'll team well with Dwayne Wade.
I hate it. But if you're a Miami fan, you've got to be pleased.
7:50 Kevin McHale is on the clock. The rumor is that he is not trading the pick to the Celtics for Scott Pollard. But how can he fuck it up this year?
OJ Mayo.... is going to Minnesota. That's actually a very good pick for them.
I can't believe I just said that. I bet my Zydrunas Illgauskas bobble head that McHale trades him for Eric Gordon and a conditional second rounder later on. He has to. There's no way he can get this right.
7:53 The team formerly known as Seattle will be picking next, trying to find a sidekick for Kevin Durant. They need to be finding someone that can get the boards Durant cannot seem to locate in the NBA.
... which reminds me that, last year, Bill Simmons called Durant the surest pick of the draft since Jordan. I'm sure he just forgot about Shaquille O'Neal and Lebron James. He must have. He couldn't be that dumb. Could he?
7:58 Oklahoma City does the best they can with the pick. Ho hum, they take Russell Westbrook out of Los Angeles University of California. Solid point guard. Not a game-changer. Good on-ball defense. But, ultimately a solid, not great, addition to the heart of Sooner Country.
By the way, did you know Derrick Rose was from Chicago? Yeah, just found out. ESPN is great.
8:05 Memphis. The Grizz. The team born just north of Seattle in Vancouver, (Some Province), Canada. Now neither northwest city has a team. I think the NBA just hates the people up there.
There's not really much hope for the future of this team. But they take the guy that the Sonics probably should have taken in Kevin Love.
One thing is for certain. No one on ESPN is talking about Love's "upside". With this guy, what you see is what you get. A pounder. And excellent passer. Great touch around the rim. Sure he runs a 10-second 40 and has a 6.5-inch vertical. But he's a player. And if Brad Miller can be successful in this league, then I'm quite confident that Love will be as well.
8:10 The Knicks are on the Clock. The Knicks are on the Clock.
David Stern hears these words in his nightmares.
The crowd is excited. Some guy in a Starks jersey just yawned and another in a Ewing jersey swayed nervously.
There's no one here for NYC to take that's going to make this crowd happy. Get ready. Here it comes...
HA! "BOOOOOO!!!!" "BOOOOO!!!!"
Welcome to New York Danilo Gallinari. Knicks fans never let you down.
What??? Did Fran Fraschilla really just compare this Italian guy to Derek Jeter??? That fans would love him as much as Tiki Barber??? Yeah, and Detroit loves Dontrelle Willis as much as Barry Sanders.
8:15 Wait, the Knicks and Clippers are picking back to back? Is it my birthday?
With the seventh pick, Elgin Baylor takes the most overrated player in the draft, Eric Gordon. He's 6'2". He shrivels like a male private part in the pool when the pressure is on. He can't shoot, despite the assinine comment I just hear from Stuart Scott that he could. He can't dribble.
Gordon's ceiling would be to be as good as Ben Gordon as an undersized shooting guard. But the latter is clutch in the fourth quarter. Eric Gordon is, well, about as clutch as Kevin Garnett.
Maybe he'll prove me wrong. Maybe it was just the double teams in college that made him look like a scared kid. But I doubt it...
8:20 The Bucks take Joe Alexander. I heard on the radio the other day that he was the most athletic guy in the draft.
This pick, along with the strange trade for Richard Jefferson, all but assures that Milwaukee will not be trading Michael Redd. It's not that the Bucks are a title contender now. They're still a lottery team. But I was hoping they would take Eric Gordon, who they would mistakenly believe was their shooting guard of the future. With him, they could dump Redd for pennies on the dollar.
But not now. Redd is a Buck for life. Sucks to be him.
8:23 Miss Hawaiian Tropic is on HDNet. I will attempt not to let it distract me.
Ahh, who cares about the Charlotte Bobcats drafting? They're just another team going nowhere. We're staying with the girls...
You know, I really like Miss Sicily, Italy. I think she has tremenous length and outstanding upside. She has some character issues, but I think that gangbang her junior of high school was just a phase.
8:27 Poor D.J. Augustin. Now here's a young man with some moxy. A true point guard - probably the only one in this draft. His height (5'11") was thought to scare a lot of teams. But he's a good shooter, a smart passer and a game manager. Too bad he's a Bobcat now.
Someone must have forgotten to pull Michael Jordan away from the blackjack table. This pick actually didn't suck.
Of course, I fully expect Larry Brown (coaching his 243rd team) to ruin this kid.
8:31 The Nets will be taking Brook Lopez. Mark it down. Lebron just got off the phone with Jay-Z and told them to take the overrated big man.
Yup, I was right. I always am. The Nets just love twins from Stanford. (re: Jarron Collins).
Jay Bilas is "high" on Brook Lopez. Awesome.
The Nets starting lineup in 2010: PG Devin Harris SG High pick from next year's draft SF Lebron James PF Yi Jianlian C Brook Lopez
Not exactly a championship-winning lineup.
8:39 The Pacers (another team running in place) take Jerryd Bayless. I can imagine the interview between he and Larry Bird in draft preparation.
Bird: So, umm... do you go to Stripclubs?
Bayless: Sometimes.
Bird: But you don't bring your gun to the stripclub, do you?
Bayless: No, never.
Bird: What about plastic cups? Like, if I threw this cup at you, would you run me down and punch the guy next to me by accident?
Bayless: No, never. Why would I do that? It's just a plastic cup.
Bird: Good, we're taking you at 11. Thanks Jerryd, it was a pleasure.
8:48 Finally, a team with a real future. The Blazers. We've suffered through 10 picks from nothing teams ever since the Bulls and Heat took the only two guys worth having in the draft.
No longer the Jail Blazers, Portland takes Kareem and Jaron Rush's brother, Brandon (who looks just like Terrance Howard). Not really a great pick. But with Oden and Roy, who cares? The future is still bright.
By the way, the Kings took Jason Thompson out of Rider with the pick before at number 12. I didn't mention it earlier because I don't know who Jason Thompson is - ESPN Sportsnation apparently doesn't either because they gave the pick an 'F'. All of the analysts called the pick "surprising," but still gave credit to Reggie Theus for having the guts to take him.
In case you're wondering, Theus is more well known as the head coach of Anthony Anderson in Hang Time. Great show. The 8-foot rim and female starting shooting guard really hurt its credibility though.
8:57 Look, if I were not going to be picked in the top 10, I would not show up at the draft. If I dropped like Dow Jones, I'd probably start crying. LSU's Anthony Randolph apparently disagrees. The kid is about 6'9", 120 lbs. A lot of mock drafts had him falling into the 20s.
But Don Nelson saves him and takes 'em at #14 for the Warriors. Not sure why they take this kid. Kevin Durant has polished skills, plays on the perimeter and his weight was a problem last year. It'll be a disaster for Randolph.
8:58 And here's Dickie V. Not sure why everyone dislikes this guy. He's passionate about the game. He's generally positive about the players he discusses. His only major flaw would be his insane man-crush on Coach K. But nobody's perfect. Plus he agrees with me that the Sonics should have taken Love over Westbrook.
9:00 The Suns didn't trade their pick this year. Wow. Jerry Colangelo is getting frivolous with his money all of a sudden. And they even made a smart pick in Robin Lopez, who is a rich man's Anderson Varejao. Hell, he should probably be starting over Shaq's fat ass already.
9:02 Now on HDNet: Bikini Destinations. If you do no have this network, call your cable operator now.
Over on Sports Time Ohio, the Indians game is under way after a long rain delay. The Indians, of course, have zero runs. But its only the first inning, so neither do the Giants. This game could go either way.
9:06 Another Florida Gator goes in the first round: Mareese Speights to the Sixers. Philly is really starting to build something around a bunch of guys that aren't really superstars. If they can re-sign Iguodola, they'll be back in the playoffs. Unfortunately, AI will be wanting a max deal. Can't give him a max deal.
9:10 Toronto is now picking for Indiana. This is a strange glitch in the NBA that we have to suffer through every year. Roy Hibbert will now be putting on a Raptors' hat and has to pretend as if he'll be paying Canadian taxes until the league approves the Jermaine O'Neal trade.
I've never seen the league nix one of these trades. So why go through the charade?
Oops, nevermind. Hibbert has a G'Town education, so he was smart enough not to show up in New York. So good for him. He won't have to don the Raptors cap. The bad news? He's a Pacer.
9:13 They just showed clips of Brook Lopez as he dropped to the Nets at 10. "I'm gonna be just like that one guy. I'm gonna be just like Brady Quinn."
Awesome.
9:15 The Washington Wizards take Javele McGee of Nevada. I hear he has a lot of raw talent, and Jay Bilas says his "arms go forever." Andray Blatche just saw his 5 minutes a game disappear.
9:18 Deal!!! Portland gets Jerryd Bayless from Indiana for Jarrett Jack and Brandon Rush. I guess Bayless would be pissed if you through plastic cup at him.
Obviously, I like the deal for Portland. Bayless really is a shooting guard. He'll play well off Brandon Roy. And they still have that Oden guy.
And, yes, I'm pissed that ESPN said a deal was in just before the Cavs were to draft. More pissed at myself for thinking the Cavs would actually do something. I'm quite confident that the Cavs will fuck this pick up.
9:22 On a night where Kevin McHale redeemed himself, is it possible that Danny Ferry could do the same? Please take Chris Douglass-Roberts. Please don't take Kosta Koufos.
Actually, please trade the goddamn pick...
Huh? J.J. Hickson? Really?
I got nothing. I'm speechless. Bravo Danny Ferry. You're 100% incompetent. I think I'll go throw up in my mouth now.
9:26 Nevermind. I'm not speechless. J.J. Hickson couldn't average more than 15 ppg for a shitty team. To put this in perspective, Doug Etzler once average over 20 points for a shitty team. Don Jantonio once averaged double figures for a shitty team.
If you're on a shitty team, and you're worth anything, you should be putting up 20 bills-plus all night, every night. And J.J. Hickson couldn't. I don't give a shit that he was a freshman. He should have stayed in school then.
I'm quite certain David Stern is slipping Danny Ferry large amounts of money under the table to fuck this thing up - seeing as everyone outside of Ohio wants Lebron in Brooklyn.
9:29 Alexis Ajanca averaged just 5 ppg/5 rpg in the French League. And he's a first-round NBA draft pick. I'm confused. Charlotte will never be good. Michael Jordan must have gotten busted at the craps table and decided to show up and start playing GM.
9:32 The Nets are back on the clock thanks to the Mavericks and that crazy trade for Jason Kidd. Still looking to build around their future free agent from Northeast Ohio. (yes, I'm beating that horse to death, hoping to jinx it)
9:33 Jay Bilas "believes" in Kosta Koufos. Jesus is pissed.
9:36 Darrell Arthur looks like he's about to cry. The Nets take some guy from Cal named Ryan Anderson. Never heard of him, but I do not that he was smart enough not to show up to the Big Apple to wait.
If I were Arthur, I'd be ordering shots. A little Jager. Maybe a Car Bomb. Get wasted. Then, while shaking David Stern's hand (when he actually does get drafted), pull him off the stage like a drunk. It would be a YouTube classic.
9:41 Courtney Lee is my sleeper pick of this draft. The Western Kentucky product is a good pickup for the Magic. And yes, I've heard of him. He's a school teacher's Rodney Stuckey. I actually agree with Jay Bilas. Lee is NBA ready and will compliment Dwight Howard well. Now, if they could just deal with that Jameer Nelson problem.
Jeff Van Gundy thinks his brother is fat. I'm not sure if that's funny or just plain mean. I guess it depends on who is younger.
9:42 J.J. Hickson!!??!!????
9:44 The Indians' offense is exploding, like a Ron Jeremy money shot, all over the Giants pitching staff.
1-0 Cleveland.
(yes, I did think I was required to make a Ron Jeremy reference after bringing up Stan Van Gundy. I think its some sort FCC rule.)
9:49 There are really three intriguing guys left on the board:
1. Chris Douglas-Roberts
2. Darrell Arthur
3. Kosta Koufos
The latter is only interesting because I'm waiting to see which GM will be dumb enough to waste a pick on a 7-foot guy that can't rebound and couldn't defend Earl Boykins on the block.
And just as I typed that, I notice that the Jazz already took KK. Well, at least Benedict Boozer won't have to worry about a teammate poaching his boards.
9:52 Some guy was drafted from the Congo. Amazingly, he's the second guy ever drafted from that country. No, ESPN has not mentioned the first - I hope its not someone I should know. That would be embarrassing.
Finally, they answer it. DJ Mbenga of the Lakers. Whew! That was a close one. I though it would be a Hall of Famer or something.
9:53 Question, as Jeff interviews Stan Van Gundy: Does the latter have anything else in common with Ron Jeremy other than the 'stache? If so, I understand why Jeff is so bitter.
9:56 Someone please draft Darrell Arthur. He's already been taken behind Anthony Randolph, Kosta Koufos, some guy from Conga and J.J. Hickson. I swear he's about to off himself.
Another pick. No Arthur. Some guy from France. Don't know him. Shit, he could be the next Craig Ehlo and I would have no genuine appreciation right now for how smart the Houston Rockets are.
Bold Prediction: Rockets lose in the first round next year. Sorry TMac.
9:59 Ric Bucher lets the cat out of the bag. Apparently Arthur has some sort of kidney issue and its turning teams off. I hope Darrell knew that, because otherwise, its just been a real tough night for him.
10:02 Eewwwii Pewwwiii has a player drafted in the first round. Indiana University-Purdue University International. Never got that. Is their mascot a cross between Jimmy Chitwood and that odd-looking Boilermaker with the sledgehammer?
Anyway, the Spurs took him and they are the smartest organization in the league so he must be good.
10:14 You know, they say New York City is a town with no heart.
As I typed that, Stuart Scott started to finish my thought to mention that the entire crowd cheered as Darrell Arthur was FINALLY drafted. Yes, New York New York isn't that bad. "Check out David Stern. Even he is giving props to the young man."
Stu Scott everybody.
But the whole scenaro of his being drafted reiterates two points I made earlier:
1. New Orleans drafted him for the Portland Trial Blazers. Right now, as he's being interviewed, he's still wearing a Hornets' hat. The NBA's so silly.
2. If you're not a top-10 pick, stay at home.
Still, its a good pick for the Blazers. When the Cavs leave Cleveland in 2011, I may just adopt Portland as my team because of Oden. They are really building something there. The West will be owned by the Hornets and Blazers for the next 10 years
10:16 I am seriously hoping that Memphis takes CDR right now. If they do not, there is no way that Joe Dumars lets him drop any further. I would hate for the Pistons to get him.
Shit! The Grizzlies continue their incompetence by drafting Syracuse freshman Donte' Green over polished senior Douglas-Roberts. If he ever becomes good, they'll ship him to the Lakers for the pu pu platter. Awful pick.
10:22 Will Joe Dumars pass on the best available? He's never done it before...
YES!
NO!
They take my other sleeper from the draft in DJ White. The only major concern with this guy would be the injuries. But he's tough down low. Strong rebounder He has great hands. And he'll give the Pistons some serious needed depth on the front line with McDyess getting up there in age.
Why does it seem as if the Pistons are just that much smarter than the Cavs? The only reason the Cavs aren't in the lottery every year is because they couldn't fuck up the 2003 draft.
10:30 Last pick of the First Round goes to the Celtics. They'll probably take CDR, and just rip my guts out.
He's perfect for the Cs. He's a slasher that makes plays in transition. He's terrific defender with active hands. And he's a winner - something he may be able to teach Kevin Garnett.
With their sights set on a repeat, Boston is definately not taking an international project. They want a ready player. And I have to assume that player is CDR.
What the F is taking so long? Time's up. I'm ready for bed. Just give them the Vikings treatment and start the second round.
(Jeopardy music)
... still waiting....
10:37 And somehow, some way, CDR makes it out of the first round. I'm baffled. What am I seeing that NBA GMs don't see? I was right that the Celts would want a polished player and they get one in J.R. Giddens out New Mexico.
Dick Vitale is back on the screen, yelling at Stuart Scott even though he's not mad at him. He looks as tired as I do.
First round over. I'm out. Peace.
Alright, two updates before I go to sleep.
1. Detroit traded DJ White to the Sonics for "some guy."
2. The Blazers took Joey Dorsey in the second round, he of David and Goliath fame. Should be interested to see if Oden remembers that little tidbit.
As of 10:54 P.M., CDR is still undrafted. Amazing.
Out.
1 comment:
Very impressive. I'm amazed that you were able to be witty through the whole thing. You must have been drinking. Good job.
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